Monday, February 5, 2024

Shalom, My Friend

This is my reminiscences delivered at my class-mate and close friend's 1 year remembrance function held at Kochi on 27th January, 2024

Today we are here to celebrate the life of an extra-ordinary person – and not to mourn his absence – however greatly we miss him.  What I have to say today may sound a bit longish – but pardon me – this is the bare minimum one can say about a person who has had such a major influence on whoever came to know him.  Also one caveat – while I say this in the 1st person, the sentiments I mention are shared by many of my class-mates and friends from Britto School and Cochin College.

It was way back in 1976 that Ketan suddenly burst into my life at the annual prize distribution ceremony in Britto school.  I was in the 5th standard and was feeling thrilled that I was going to get the first ever prize ever for me in “General Proficiency”.  Imagine how humbled I felt that day when a portly and energetic boy going by the name “Ketan.D.Mehta” trotted up the stage several times to collect at least half a dozen prizes – for subjects ranging from academics to extra-curricular activities.  My father who was attending the function prophetically remarked that “this boy Ketan is going very far”.

My relationship with Ketan was initially a bit complicated and competitive.  We were both competing for the attention – and love – of our teachers – so this keen competition did initially lead to a bit of friendly jostling.  Ketan would pull my leg for my “serious” focus on academics; and I will retort with a pun on his name and call him “K.Thendi.Mehta” (Thendi = Vagabond).  To Ketan’s credit he thought that was a very clever pun and he said that he felt good with that pun as it signified to him that his parents had foreseen that he will travel a lot. (Which he did!).  Ketan’s quick sense of humour and his ability to poke fun at himself (his non-existent goal-keeper skills – and later on in life – about his favourite rackish cap to hide his thinning crown) endeared him to a lot of us, and he led by example on how we should approach life – with humour, love and forgiveness.

Ketan really came into his own when we reached high school.  This was when Ketan’s multi-faceted personality became manifest.  He was literally everywhere – from inventing the most creative “Eratta peru” (nick name) for his friends to playing cricket, from participating in Elocution competitions to easily topping in Academics (topped school & University), from fooling around with his friends to being the darling of his teachers, Ketan was a maverick – and a loveable one at that.  His network of friends was very strong, and his friends loved and respected him for his wit and helpful nature.  Indeed, he was a born leader and a very inspiring friend.

Ketan and I got even closer when we joined Cochin College for Pre-Degree.  He joined the Commerce stream and I joined the Science stream - so he in his self-deprecatory style mentioned that he is glad that we are in different streams as we will not have to now compete academically.  I replied that I had long given up trying to compete with him academically.  Because of our mutual interest in Quizzing and Debating we both came under the influence of some inspiring teachers such as Ajit sir, Nithyanand Bhat sir, and Kilikar sir who provided us a lot of guidance and mentoring that stood us in good stead later.  We both used to participate as a team representing Cochin College in various inter-collegiate and Inter-university competitions, and after such competitions we would go over to Ketan’s home where his mother would treat us to delicious dinner.  After dinner, Ketan, his father (Sri. Dilip Mehta) and I would then get into a very stimulating discussion on subjects ranging from current events to Science to Poetry – and I understood the strong influence of both his parents in shaping Ketan’s persona, and how grateful Ketan always was for this immense blessing.

Ketan went through a major health scare in his early 40’s.  On one of his visits to Dubai we met and he opened his heart to me about how that health scare had further broadened his perspective – and of the importance and significance of little Dev in his life.  I was really struck by how deeply he had thought through about life issues – and how cleverly he hid it behind his witty remarks and jokes.  In fact if at all I have a complaint against genius, it is that it is so difficult to penetrate their core thoughts because they always conceal it behind a wall of irreverence and self-deprecatory humour.  But one thing stood out the more I understood Ketan – he was a man now who believed in doing maximum good in this transient passage called Life.  Many are the instances where he has silently helped friends and unknown people – either monetarily or by deed – because of his large heart and generous nature.

Whenever Ketan came to know that any of his class-mates or friends based outside Kochi are in town, he would quickly organize a get-together.  A couple of years ago he surprised me at such a get-together by suddenly producing a small piano and asking me to play an impromptu piece on it.  Last year when I told him I am visiting Kochi around end January he said “Ram – please extend your stay in Kochi by a few days as I am in Maldives.  We have to definitely meet up”.  I agreed immediately to his request – I looked forward to any meetings with Ketan, and his family – Heena, Dev and Ketan’s parents.  Little did I realise then that that meeting will not happen – at least not on planet Earth -and that may be fate had something bigger and better planned.   

Ketan, wherever you are now - I am sure you are beaming down at us right now – wearing your trade-mark cap at a rakish angle – and getting ready to unleash your “Mazal Tov” and your next witty remark on us.  Shalom, Ketan.

Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Musical Thoughts - learning in a group situation

The group photo of my Guru and his shishyas made the point starkly clear.  I was the only grey haired disciple in the group of 30, sitting next to my Guru whose hair was still a youthful black.  All his other shishyas were in their teens and twenties.  My wife tartly observed : "People will wonder who is the Guru in the photo".

I decided to formally learn music under a guru only when I crossed 50.  For me it was a journey of passion - to improve my harmoium playing skills - something I should have done decades ago - but which a peripatetic career prevented me from doing.

My Guru conducts his classes in the form of groups.  As I am based in Bangalore (and he in Mumbai) the classes are conducted over zoom calls with 5-7 other shishyas joining in.  Most of the other shishyas are probably younger than my own children.

Studying in a group has thrown up some unique challenges to me.   The competitive nature of the schooling and college systems (and then later in my career) developed in me a high sense of "survival of the fittest" where I had to remain at the top of my cohort to feel relevant. And this was an attitude that had developed over almost 50 years - from my childhood and then on to my corporate career.

It was but natural that I carried with me this ingrained nature into my learning of music - put into a group situation it was natural that I will bench-mark myself against my peer group, and would like to at least keep pace with the group - if not be the quickest learner.

Here I ran into one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced.  Being part of a group that had very young and talented peers I simply could not keep pace with the group. My grasping powers for new learning in music was poor relative to the others, and I was over-awed by the fact that what seemed so easy to the others was so tough to me.  I started being tense whenever I was in the group - and that further affected my ability to understand and grasp what was happening in the class. Very often I missed out on the nuances - and hence could not connect the threads.  I started experiencing pre-class jitters and panic feelings.

It is easy for someone to say that I should accept the fact that my learning ability is different from that of the others and relax in class by coming to terms with it.  But 50 years of approaching life in a particular way cannot be changed easily.  

And for me - learning music was a passion project - something I was doing purely for fun.  It was something I was doing to get away from the hyper-competitive world I had lived in so far - but the format of a group situation made me feel inhibited and self-conscious.  I started feeling that I was back into a situation where I had to show that I was intelligent and able to keep pace with the group.  But the fact was it was evident to everyone in the group I was struggling - and that for me meant that I was not only not enjoying the process - but also my ability to absorb learning was getting adversely impacted.

So what held me back?  Age is definitely a factor - as we age the speed with which we are able to grasp technical aspects in NEW fields slows down.  The other aspect is that my basic grounding in the technical aspects such as rhythm was poor - unlike many others in the group I had not had any formal training or learnings in those areas - and the absence of a strong foundation was certainly a problem in learning new aspects.

I also realised that certain technical aspects - such as finger movements on the keys - I understood only when I was sitting face-to-face with my Guru rather than over Zoom.  Many of these subtle things I was practising the wrong way - and hence the efforts I was putting in was not paying off in terms of results - leading to frustration.

As of now I don't see any solution.  I would have loved to have one-to-one sessions with my Guru - and if not - at least face-to-face sessions (rather than zoom calls).  Both these options are not possible currently.  So the only option as of now is to pursue hybrid solutions -such as a combination of zoom classes with a few face-to-face sessions.

And being less inhibited in a group situation? May be in class where I was with peers at similar levels of expertise and age I would have been able to adapt and get comfortable.  But this is a situation where the group comprises people not just younger but at different (higher) talent levels.  I will try but it is likely to remain a story where I continue to struggle to keep pace.

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Preparing For The Golden Years

I wanted to call it "Retirement" or "Old Age" - but then decided to stick to "Golden Years" as that is indeed how it should be - the best period of one's life.

Unfortunately, recently I came across a few people who were thoroughly disillusioned with their Golden period. I did not know what went wrong - so I donned my Market Researcher's hat and spoke to a sample of "happy" and "not-so-happy" people currently in their Golden Age.

I am summarising below some of the common aspects that came up during the discussions.  It broadly fell into 5 broad buckets - listed below in descending order of importance.

1.    Health : Most said that this is the most important aspect to being happy.  Lack of good health is a killer of happiness. Sometimes life throws us unpleasant surprises - and a perfectly healthy person might find that he/she has a disease soon after he enters his "golden age".  This is not just a reflection of the life one has led (highly stressful/unhealthy diet/lack of exercise) - but also a function of God's Will - some are blessed with it, and some are not.  We just need to be grateful and thankful if we are blessed with good health - and take care to preserve this good health as long as possible.

2.    Independence :  By this they don't just mean being physically healthy enough to "literally"  move around on their own feet - but also being able to stand on their own feet financially.    Also having enough funds to manage their expenses - and being able to afford some indulgences such as travel without having to depend on anyone.  This, they admitted, requires careful planning from a young age.

3.    Staying in one's own house : Surprisingly this came up frequently - that ideally one (along with his/her partner) should stay in their own house where they are absolute Lord and Master.   A small home - compact and easily manageable.  Staying in your own home also encourages you to be useful around the home and undertake daily chores such as shopping for vegetables, cooking or cleaning.  If the home is in a housing complex or colony it is an added advantage - as one can get companionship by making friends with people of similar wave-length.

4.    Managing one's own expectations : One needs to prepare oneself to how society will treat you once you stop being "productive".  Have realistic expectations from one's near-and-dear ones such as children.  If your children look after you in your golden period then consider yourself blessed.  Otherwise cheerfully bless them and let them lead their own lives without imposing yourself on them. 

5.    Being Mentally & Socially Engaged : It is a fact that Loneliness, Idleness and the feeling of being "useless" are major deal-breakers of one's golden period.  Having your life partner with you - and some good friends - during your golden period is a blessing.  It is also important to have activities and pursuits that keep you mentally and socially engaged - and active hobbies such as travel, arts (music etc), Social Service, Writing, teaching, Investing in the stock markets etc will ensure that one is mentally and socially engaged. 

Finally I also realised as I talked to these people that the greatest differentiator between the "happy" and the "sad" ones is their own mental disposition.  There are some who despite enjoying all the aspects mentioned above are always sad - these are the people who despite being blessed with everything still only look at life through the rear-view mirror with bitterness and regret.    

And then there are the people I really admire - these are the ones who have decided that they will continue to be happy regardless of any eventuality. These people I noticed are always happy - and they bounce back quickly into happiness despite going through some major set-backs or health problems. 

So now I am left with a lot of unanswered questions - if  a person is born with an ingrained negative disposition is there any hope for him to have an enjoyable and happy golden period?  Does life's experiences shape such dispositions?  Can a negative disposition be cured through counselling?  Is it the fear of being unhappy that is forcing many to post-pone entering their golden period early enough?  Does anyone have answers?

Ultimately as one Wise person told me "We need to accept that - despite all the preparations we do - we have very little control over what surprises life will throw at us - especially during our golden period.  We just need to be more accepting and flexible to take these googlies & curve-balls in our stride - and continue to delight in life's small pleasures. And yes, preparations do certainly help".

Sunday, February 12, 2023

Why I am destined to be a great singer

My music guru is not happy with the amount of time I spend doing riyaaz (music practice).  "You should put in extra effort and time into doing your riyaaz" he told me.

"Manifestation.  Let me imagine myself as a great singer - then may be I will actually become one" I said to myself and started my riyaaz session today.

I thought I had an especially resonant timbre to my voice today - so opening my mouth wide (like I see the great singers do) I launched into an extended sustaining on the base "Sa" note.

As I was admiring my own resonant voice a mosquito suddenly manifested. This was just about the time I had reached the end of the long sustain on the note and had to draw a deep breath again.  

I don't know how it happened - but the mosquito got drawn into my mouth when I was drawing my deep inward breath. I could feel it enter my throat.

I coughed violently wanting to expel it.  But nothing came out.  I could still feel it stuck in my throat.

I drank a lot of water and ate some biscuits hoping it would descend into my stomach.

I think it is still stuck in my throat as there definitely is a buzz in my voice now when I sing.  

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Unwitting Underground Conversations

At the Los Angles subway station I was a bit confused on how to use the app on my phone to access the subway station.  Unfortunately none of the commuters I approached were willing to talk to me and they would rush away from me assuming I was one of the thousands of "homeless" people who throng the subway asking passerbys for a "donation".  Fortunately a Chinese looking gentleman finally helped me figure out how to use the mobile app to access the station.

While waiting for the train we got talking.  His name was Chang and he told me that before he became a US citizen he used to work in an investment bank in Singapore.  He is now retired and lives on his investment portfolio.  He seemed a bit too scruffy to be a retired investment banker - but I thought that was an eccentricity that comes with age.  He told me he spends most of his time doing social work in the church.  

Surprisingly he seemed knowledgeable about Indian companies, and he sought my investment advice about Indian companies as apparently he had some surplus funds to invest.

Meanwhile the subway train arrived, and I suggested that we both board it and continue our conversation on the train.  But he said it is quite noisy in the train, and requested me whether we could skip this train and take the next train so that we can finish the conversation.  Having found a kindred soul I agreed and we got into a rigorous discussion on what sectors will give good investment returns - from hydrogen energy to speciality bio-chemicals to genetic engineering.  

The next train came and I started moving towards it.  But Chang said that as we have not yet finished the conversation can we wait for the next train? 

But by now we had spoken so much I had reached an end to my knowledge of potential investment sectors.  So I told him I was in a bit of a hurry and had to rush.   

I boarded the train expecting him to also board the train.  But when I looked back Chang was busy rummaging through a garbage bin on the platform.  As the train pulled away from the station I noticed he had found a half filled beer can from the garbage bin and was drinking from it with great relish. 

I realised with a start that it was a homeless person that I was having a very intellectual conversation with for the last 30 minutes! 

I did not know whether to laugh or cry.  I was initially upset that I was fooled into wasting half an hour. And then I started laughing at myself - he had fooled me totally with his intellectual disposition.  

And then I started introspecting as to what misfortune or adverse circumstances could have pushed such a person into a "homeless" state.

May be for him the 30 minutes he spent talking with me was a "short return to normalcy" - where someone treated him like an equal and with respect.  May be that is the reason why he never asked me for a "donation".  And his need for self respect and being treated with dignity was probably what made him so keen to hold on to me and continue the conversation.

I see it as pure divine intervention. God made me unwittingly repay a debt to humanity by spending time with someone who needed that conversation, and with whom (pardon my arrogance) I would not have normally interacted with in this manner. May be it is God's way of warning me to be humble - forcing me to acknowledge the fickleness of fame and fortune - and making me so thankful and grateful for His continued blessings. 

Monday, August 9, 2021

On the Sill

A wasp from the nearby forest entered my room through the balcony door and started making a nest in one of the holes in the window sill.  It kept repeatedly going in and out of the room through the balcony door collecting material for the nest. The window sill was next to where I sat so I kept looking admiringly at its beautiful sleek blue body and the effort it was putting in to build its nest.  

After some time I got a bit worried that the nest will endanger my safety.

The next time the wasp exited the room I quickly shut the balcony door to prevent it from re-entering.  From the window I could see the wasp trying to repeatedly enter my room - initially through the balcony door, and then through the windows - but to no avail as they were all shut. 

I then started wondering whether I had the right to shut it off from its home - just because of the fear it might sting me.  After all I am just a temporary visitor to this resort; the wasp being
the more permanent resident.

Friday, July 3, 2020

All Is Fair in Love and .....

President Frump heard a cough and looked up to see his Secretary for Missile Sales standing nervously on one leg.

Important man, this Secretary - he contributed to 20% of the country's revenue.  So when he coughs there must be a problem.

"Sir" said the secretary "you know our country makes bulk of our money by selling our "Fat Boy" missiles to various countries?"

"Yes, I know" said President Frump "... and pretty profitable business too - so much demand for Fat Boy missiles from countries like Moldovia and Krakistan".

"But we have a problem now, Sir.  You know there are some fringe elements agitating against selling weapons of mass destruction.  So we might need to discontinue Fat Boy to show that we are ethical minded."

"What - discontinue our most profitable line?"  President Frump fumed.  "Are you out of your mind?"

The Secretary nervously shifted to his other leg.  "But I think I have a very good solution, sir.  The problem is with the term "Fat" in "Fat Boy" because there is a strong lobby of over-weight individuals who feel insulted with the word "Fat".

President Frump's eyes lit up.  "Superb idea.  So we just drop "Fat" from "Fat Boy" and we are back in Business? You deserve a promotion, my man"

The Secretary felt confident enough to now stand on both legs.  He said:  "In fact we should replace "Fat"  with something else - something that says this is the same product but with some extra deadly punch".

President Frump was impressed.  "Yes that is a great idea.  Any suggestions on the name?"

It was bonus time, and the Secretary was well prepared.  I suggest we rename  "Fat Boy" as "Bat Boy" sir.  It rhymes well and would also signify that we have upgraded our product".

"Super" said President Frump.  "And just to be doubly sure that all our customers know about this name change, send out a circular to all the media saying that in the greater interests of man-kind we have decided to stop using discriminatory terms such as "Fat" for our top selling product.

The Secretary put on a look of awe and said "You really come up with such glowing ideas, sir". 

Friday, September 27, 2019

Women Combatants

After much pushing and shoving I somehow managed to squeeze into the Purple line metro at peak hour.  Next to me in the crowd at the crowded Majestic station was a portly gentleman with a laptop bag in one hand and a tiffin box in the other and who somehow managed to squeeze into the compartment just before the doors shut.

Hardly was he heaving a sigh of relief when a stern looking lady at the top of her voice started shouting at this gentleman.

"How dare you - you pushed me when we were entering the train" she screamed at him.

The portly gentleman did not know what hit him as she was virtually squeezed next to him, and was screaming in his ear.

"I did not push you - somebody was pushing us from behind..." he started to weakly respond.

"You useless man - don't you know how to behave with women? Very uncivilized fellow!"  she screamed.

A gentleman next to me came to his rescue and said : "He is not at all fault.  All of us get pushed, madam - unfortunately this is the plight of all of us traveling on Purple Line at peak time".

At this the stern looking lady screamed :"This is the problem - all you dirty men support each other".

Nobody dared speak up now.  No man wanted to be called "dirty".  The portly gentleman was trying to melt into the floor when sudden help came from behind him.

A thin woman who was squeezed behind the portly gentleman shouted : "Who dares call my husband dirty? You foolish woman - why don't you take an Uber if you don't know how to travel by crowded trains"?

The stern looking school teacher visibly coloured and retorted : "You teach your husband how to board trains in civilized manner instead of lecturing me".

The wife got wild and replied : "What makes you think you are some beautiful woman who any man would even want to look at - let alone touch?"

It was apparent that the formidable stern looking lady had met her match.  There was a sudden parting of the crowd in the compartment - a massive duel was imminent and the crowd made space for the combatants.

But the shouting subsided as quickly as it started.  The metro reached the next station and the stern looking lady suddenly decided she had to get off.

Everybody in the compartment heaved a sigh of relief.  The husband meekly nodded thanks to his wife. His wife triumphantly beamed all around.  The husband retreated to a corner and tried to make himself invisible.  There was no doubt in anybody's mind as to who will be calling the shots in his home that evening.

And me?  Henceforth I take a Purple metro from Majestic station only if I am traveling with my wife. 

Thursday, August 1, 2019

Conversations with Generation Z


So there I was having my lunch when a bunch of Generation Z guys and girls joined me at the table of the canteen in the co-working space.

“Hadley D’Souza” said a long haired chap introducing himself to me.

“…..Hadley as in James Hadley Chase?”  I asked him.

“Yes” he said.

“Wow – I have read most of his books. And you are surely a fan of James Hadley Chase too?”  I asked.

“No - my mom was a fan of his and she named me after him.  I have never read him".  And then as a sort of explanation he turned to the others at the table and said "That writer was from the last century." 

I had to quickly regain my leadership around the table so I said : “Names can be such interesting conversation starters” And turning to the girl sitting next to him I asked her .."and what is yours?"

“Ishika - spelt as Eishika” she said.

“Wow – that is a wonderful conversation starter – I am sure everyone asks you why you spell it that way?”  I said.

She made a wry face and said : “No – they only say my name has a spelling mistake in it”. 

Refusing to give up I turned to the girl sitting next to me and said “I am sure your name must be very interesting as a conversation starter?”

“Actually no - my name is boring - it is Nikita” she said.

“I am sure lots of people tell you that your name reminds them of Niki-Tasha TV…” I said with a laugh.

“No – actually most people don’t even know that such a TV existed” she said.

“It was a very popular TV once” I said.

“My grand-mother remembers that TV” she said.

Then she looks at Hadley and pointedly says “Only my grand-mother – not even my mother”

Me? I was missing from the table.

Friday, June 22, 2018

What It Takes to Go Far

A girl probably in her mid 20s dressed in business attire got into my Uber Share while I was on my way to a meeting today morning. She and I were the only occupants (apart from the Uber driver).

At a junction, the Uber driver stopped his car and gave the right indicator to take a right turn.

"Why are you taking a right?  Please take a left - we will reach 20 minutes faster" she ordered.

I and the driver looked left.  The left was a one-way street.

"Sorry madam.  As per Uber Share rules I cannot deviate from the route given to me by Uber on the map" he said indicating his Uber screen.

"I take an Uber Share everyday, and every driver listens to me when I ask him to take a left here" she said.

"Sorry madam.  I cannot take a left here.  And in any case it is a one way street" he said firmly.

"Nobody will catch you if you take a left.  If you take a right here I will be late for my meeting.  I insist you take a left here" she said.

"No madam.  I need to follow the rules" he said.

She turned to me in anger.  "You are also headed in the same direction.  Why don't you support me and ask him to take a left?" she asked addressing me.

"The rules for Uber Share are clear, and he needs to follow the rules" I replied.

She gave me a withering look and said to me "We need to use our brains instead of following a useless map"

Then she turned again to the driver "I am going to report you for not following customer instructions".

The Uber driver kept quiet and took the right turn.  I had really started admiring the driver now.  Any other person would have wilted under the pressure.

She got really upset now.  "Get me off here.  I will take an auto.  And I will not pay you" she said.

The Uber driver was about to stop to let her get off.  But then she changed her mind.  "How will I get an auto now?  You keep driving" she ordered.

Her destination came before mine and she got off in a huff without even looking at the driver.

I noticed the driver punching a "1 star" as his rating for the customer in his Uber app.  I am sure he too has been given a "1 star" by the customer.

"In today's world with that attitude she will go very far" I remarked to the driver.

"Maybe. But not in my car" he said.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Insights into Married Life from the Middle Seat

On my recent flight to Mumbai I was given a middle seat as all the window and aisle seats were occupied.  Apparently most couples ask for a window and aisle seats with the hope that the middle seat will be left unoccupied and hence will give them space for a comfortable journey.
Disappointment was evident on the lady’s face seated on the aisle seat as I squeezed into the middle seat.  No sooner had I sat when she said loudly into my ear :”I hope in future you will do exactly as I tell you – that will save you from a lot of grief”.  Her tone indicated that she expected me to meekly agree – and I looked at her nervously wondering what she will order me to do. 

But to my relief she was looking beyond me to the chap sitting in the window seat.  He was a person with a goatee beard and with an apologetic air about him.  He was vigorously nodding his head at his wife’s words .

He caught me looking at him and he smiled and he said :”We are just returning from a holiday.  What about you?  Where are you coming from”?  The chap was trying to strike up a friendly conversation with me. 

Before I could open my mouth to reply, his wife’s voice boomed into my ear.  She said : “You are so lacking in self-confidence.  You should believe in yourself, man – otherwise how will you take such important decisions?”

I turned my head to look at the chap and he was again nodding his head and saying : “Yes yes – I agree I need to pull myself together”.

He then turned to me and said “I don’t want you to get inconvenienced by the conversation I and my wife are having.  So if you want I can swap seats with you and you can take my window seat”.  I readily agreed and we traded places.

Throughout the flight I overheard a serious mentoring and counselling session taking place.  The husband made several attempts to turn his head in my direction and strike up a conversation with me – but all such attempts were nipped in the bud by his wife.

When the flight landed I saw the man scurrying away hurriedly – in order to maintain an out-of-earshot gap between him and his wife.  His wife made no attempt to catch up with him – she followed him at a leisurely pace confident in her knowledge that he cannot run away too far.

I saw them next at the baggage conveyer belt.  The wife had caught up with him, and was now advising him on what kinds of t-shirts suit him better.

Their luggage came first and they made for the exit – this time both of them together.  He saw me looking at him and when he passed me he gave a sly wink.  There was not even a minor trace of irritation on his face.

And then the truth hit me.

To the numerous husbands who continue to do exactly what they want to do despite continuous attempts at reforming them – and to the wives who do not give up hope that their husbands will one day listen and follow their suggestions  – here’s wishing you a grand and happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Activist Artistes


Art - whether it is music, writing or other performing arts - requires long hours of practice, focus and dedication.  This is the reason why many artistes despite having strong views on anything do not resort to public activism - it is an energy and time killer, and distracts one from reaching higher levels in their chosen art. 

Artistes who have taken to activism (and I can immediately think of a famous writer, and an actress) have done so when they had already plateaued in their art. Maybe it is their way of staying in their limelight.  But the fact is they never again returned to their peak in their chosen art once they got distracted into activism.

One loves not just the art- but also the artiste behind the art.  There is a certain purity, dignity and sanctity expected from performing arts and performing artistes.  I certainly respect the right of artistes to be public activists and say whatever they want - it is their right.  But I will avoid attending a music concert if there is even a remote doubt in my mind whether the performance on stage could be inadvertently tainted by the shadow of activism. 

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

The girl in Central Park

The morning air was crisp and the sun was struggling to show itself through the morning mist when I and my colleague reached the mid point of Central Park in New York.  A few birds were circling the large crystal clear lake - and the morning dew shimmered on the huge meadow next to the lake.

A little girl - perhaps 6 or 7 years old - stood on the winding path in the far distance, waiting for us to approach.  She was dressed in a pretty frock with matching shoes.  From time to time she will cast a hesitant glance at a young couple casually stretched out on the meadow in the distance.  From the encouraging nods they were giving her, they should be her parents.

As we reached her I noticed she had very beautiful blue eyes, and she held a small placard which said "Free Hugs".

She looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes and waited expectantly for me to respond.

I hesitated.  Should I hug her or not?  

I said "good morning little one" in a cheerful voice, and then walked past without hugging her. 

She looked confused as she looked at me walk away - and then she looked at her parents in embarrassment.......

I heard myself remarking to my colleague "It is safer nowadays to be absolutely correct - no hugging - even if they are children".  I was feeling sorry for the small girl, and was trying to justify my rude behaviour.

I turned and looked back.  The little girl had shrugged off her disappointment and was now waiting expectantly on the pathway for the next person to walk by.  Hopefully the next person will be braver and more spontaneous, and will not disappoint.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Sleepless In Prithvi

Ok, let me firstly make it clear that it is me – his wife – writing this post.  Usually it is he who writes those useless posts in which I am made the butt of his ridiculous jokes.

But today it is my – his wife’s – turn to write and tell you about an incident that happened yesterday that he will not write about because it will be embarrassing for him.  So let me do it.

Yesterday we went to Prithvi to listen to the Symphony Orchestra of India (SOI) performing Western Classical music.  My husband booked tickets for both of us so that he could - in his usual style - immodestly boast on facebook about how "cultured" he is.  That is an empty boast of course – and I doubt whether he understands even Indian Classical music despite the photos of music events he keeps posting on fb.

Ok, so here we were at Prithvi – and then my hubby drops a shocker.

He :   "I am suffering from a terrible jet lag after my recent visit abroad – and I think I may fall asleep during the show."

I : "So why did you decide to come today?  You could have slept at home peacefully."

To which he muttered incoherently something about Western classical music curing his jet lag and giving him a good sleep.

Within 5 minutes of the show starting, my husband had gone off to sleep.  The player on the Bassoon was playing beautifully – but I was highly distracted because of one problem : my hubby does not know how to sleep off peacefully; he was snoring. 

So I gently stamp his feet.

Husband looks at me accusingly.  I whispered to him that he should not snore.

He looked at me as if wondering whether sleeping without snoring was at all possible – and he then tried to do an imitation of Mr. Bean by using his fingers to prevent his eye lids from closing.

Really – he does not know he is embarrassing not only himself but also me.  The person sitting next to him had started casting surreptitious glances in my direction wondering what kind of characters we were. 

In 2 minutes – and despite the Mr. Bean act - my husband had slumped in his seat and was nodding away.  And then suddenly he woke up with a start and looked all around as if trying to figure out where he is.  The people sitting behind him were not looking too pleased at his antics.

I elbowed him in his stomach.  Long experience of elbowing has ensured that when I elbow, people wake up.

He woke up, and started undoing his shirt buttons. 

Hey, what are you doing” I ask him.

it is very hot in here – and I think I will undo my shirt” he said.

Obviously his lack of sleep has started affecting his brain.  Have you gone crazy?  Please sit quietly” I ordered him.

He was very hurt at these words.  What is the problem?  This is a theatre –and they tolerate Salman Khan removing his shirt” he said.

He had started talking in his sleep obviously – so I pinched him really hard – the pinch I normally reserve for my son when he dares answer me back. 

He then woke up and started tossing and turning in his seat very restlessly.  I was too embarrassed to look at the people sitting in our neighbouring seats.  All I could do was to keep kicking his feet every 5 minutes so he does not go off into deep sleep and then making a spectacle of himself. 

Finally the show got over much to my relief and my husband somehow sleep-walked out of the theatre.

Did you sleep well?” I asked him sarcastically.

Not with all the kicking and pinching you were giving me” he said mournfully.

I would not have kicked you if you had gone to sleep peacefully without creating a nuisance of yourself” I said.

What could I do – the seats in Prithvi are not reclining and do not have proper head rests – so how can someone sleep peacefully?” he said.

I predict that we will not be visiting Prithvi anytime in the near future.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Message To The Stars

Dear Star : you called to inform about a major leap in your career - a significant increase in your responsibilities and role in your organization.  You wanted to express your gratitude for the mentoring and support that you said I had provided you, and which you think contributed to you reaching where you are today.

I have no recollection of providing you any such mentoring and support.  I believe you have risen due to your own efforts, and - as you yourself mentioned - also due to big dollops of Luck. It requires a lot of humility to acknowledge that many of our successes would not have happened without luck being on our side - and due to being in the right place at the right time.

I feel quite proud of the huge success you have achieved.  Genuine success is when others feel as much (if not more) happiness and pride in your success as you yourself do.  And for that to happen one needs to - as you have done - strive diligently, smile a lot, and be grateful for being where one is today.